This post came right as scheduled, but it’s still about something that had the potential to delay the publishing if I had let it. Come. Join me on this emotional rollercoaster ride.
I don’t know about you, but that’s a lot more enthusiasm than usual. Exhibit: The enthusiastic meme face.
Why am I expressing even more enthusiasm than usual? Well, I realised that I might not be as cut off from the people I’d like to talk to as much as I thought I was. To understand, picture this:
There I am lying face-up on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I’m exhausted. I have just impulsively made a huge decision that I intend will last a little while. The reason I have made this decision is what I will be talking about today. For now, however, let’s talk about the decision and how it’s currently affecting me.
The blank of the ceiling is quite like the blank of my mind as I try to figure out where to go from here. My eyes roam the space, much like the space of my mind until I reach the centre where the light bulb and fan are. For no other reason than my mother’s presence in the room, the light bulb is on, as opposed to its usual inutility. I really enjoy the darkness, but my mother thinks there’s something wrong with me, so here we are.
The radiance, I realise, is what swallows what should be the darkness of the ceiling, just like the idea I just had illuminates my once dark mind. I’ve finally realised how I’ll get by during this trying times.
I’ll explain but later. Doing so here will lead to this being one hell of an introduction, and, somewhere along the line, I might spill the beans on what today’s gist is about. Rather, I’ll tell you what the big decision was as a dramatic entrance into the reason for it.
I’ve deleted most of my social media apps.
’Why?’ You ask?
Social Media Is Insanely Overwhelming
The whole internet is, if we’re being honest.
There is so much going on in the world near and far, and the Internet brings it all right to me, making it…real.
I see why they say ’Ignorance is bliss’ now. What you don’t know can’t hurt you.
Typically, my Nigerian based ass wouldn’t know that George Floyd (rest his soul) was killed because of a disgustingly archaic mindset such as racism. I’d still have my ’American Dream’ and be deluded that I’m mostly safe no matter where I go, but the Internet has let me known that that’s all it is. Delusions.
The internet, once again, has helped me realise I’m in twice the danger because, not only is my skin black, I also have genitals and another set of sick people can’t handle that.
I’m fine now, though.
It’s a process that my big decision of cutting myself off has helped me start. I have gone nearly 48 hours without seeing anything related to these problems that can intensify the current fear that I feel. It’s good I guess.
Sadly, I can’t run away from these things, not for a long time, and certainly not forever. They exist in our society imbued by shitty perceptions that we once had and won’t let go of. It’s there. Constantly staring me in the face unless we do something about it. At this point, we’re desperate, so I guess anything works.
As long as the problem’s fixed, sooner rather than later.
I’m proud people have taken it up and decided to speak up. Silence enables oppression. One person complaining is evidence that the art and act is a tinsey bit shitty. Now, imagine everyone complaining. The internet – mostly social media – is a platform
The problem that my cowardly and delicate mind has now, is the fact that it’s everywhere. I can barely spend 2 minutes online without running into something about these issues. The most affecting things are the ones trying to downplay these issues and the fights against it. It’s all scary, honestly.
Somehow, I never learnt how to handle conflict. I never grew thick skin in any way. Here I am now, in need of it, and I feel deformed.
In a moment of cowardice, I just left. Initially, I was worried about so many things. One of them, being the lack of contact with those outside my immediate world.
However, here I am 2 days later, and I’m glad that I left. Because of keeping up with social media and my typical day-to-day activities, my goal was set to 3 books per year. Now, with both of those factors on hold (the lockdown affecting the latter), I have finished a 400-page book in 2 days. I calculated that and that’s 7 books in two weeks. That’s twice the books in more than 3 hundreds of the time.
I’ve always loved reading, and I’m very fast at it. I have a high tendency to unusually binge whatever I love. Somehow, at some point in time, I just wasn’t reading anymore.
Remember, the light bulb analogy for my mind that I talked about earlier? Well, that light bulb was a book that I put off reading because I just didn’t have time to binge it as I’d like. This time, I did have binging time on my hands and this happened.
Magic happens when I’m not overwhelmed.
I don’t know how long my hiatus is going to last, and sincerely, I’m not looking to put a lid on it. I’ll just let it overflow if it has to.
Remember I said I was considering human contact? Well, that’s where you, my lovely reader, come in.
I realised I could stay on the Internet if I had majority control over what I saw. Hence, I disposed of whatever had to do with the creation of content that isn’t mine. Telegram has no status updates like WhatsApp, and Tik Tok is so cleverly designed such that I can watch videos according to trends and skip whatever trend I’m not interested in. These help me keep up the part of decoder in communication.
To keep up the part of the encoder, this is my space. I get to update you on all the details of what life is with mostly Netflix and books. I think it’s worthy of note that ’no social media’ leaves me with a lot more data to binge movies.
I finished the book Before I Go To Sleep by S. J. Watson and found out that a movie based on the book is on Netflix. Now, I’m going to do the same thing I did with Harry Potter – watch the movie right after reading the book.
Right now, I’m experiencing something that I’ve figured will make good talk for the next post, so I’m off to live in the moment. I tell better stories when I live them properly myself.
The best way to pay me back is to gist me in the comments section.
Thank you, and you’re welcome.